Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
