can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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