i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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