i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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