I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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