How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize