i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Acid is not a monday night drug
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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