I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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