i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
