i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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