operation have a gay friend backfired
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
