This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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