Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
