So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
