last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I enjoy the company of your penis
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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