So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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