so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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