2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
