my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
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