drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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