did you get engaged???
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
