When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Farmville is her only friend.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
