The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
