If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
