I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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