Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
