i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
