omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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