I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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