it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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