It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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