two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
