I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
