do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
