Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
