she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
