Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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