how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
