sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i now understand why vodka
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
