those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
