You just made me feel so damn special
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
