are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
