At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i think my cat just said my name.
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