Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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