i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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