Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
