life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
