"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
