I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
