Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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