I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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