You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
