Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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