we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
