y did u give ur computer a hand job?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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