It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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