I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
