I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
