My friends, they love my intelligence
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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