If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
