Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
