Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
