this boner is exhausting
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
