Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
