Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
