If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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