Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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