It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
