Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
