Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
