9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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