when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
