I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
