drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
