ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize