nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
