also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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