It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
