yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
