You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
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