We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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