No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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