You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize