I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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