trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
