I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
