Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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