I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
