Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize