Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
