I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
my poor anus
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