Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
