Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
