Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
