If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
it glows. i had to have it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
