I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
