things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize