I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
