I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize